Hold Fast Through the Fire Read online

  “I’ll keep it in mind.”

  “Do that. In the meantime, we get the best of both worlds. You get to be an Interceptor and I get to keep you attached to Intel.”

  “You’re excited about this.”

  “It’s long past time we had a bigger presence in Trappist-1. The incident with LifeEx showed us that. The smuggling rings are more and more focused on the wild spaces. They have power out there we don’t and that makes the higher-ups nervous. It’s one of the big reasons Admiral Chen was able to get this task force greenlit.”

  Nika studied Stephan for a moment. He was nowhere close to getting in the man’s head, but a year of working with him, plus many more of fighting with him in the ring, made it easier to notice the little things. “Is there something else going on?”

  Stephan shrugged a shoulder. “Let’s take a walk, I want to show you something.”

  Nika was intrigued. The commander was good at lying, had to be in his job, but would straight-up admit something sensitive in a way that surprised the hell out of Nika.

  He’d learned early on that Stephan would do so to deflect attention from an even more important issue that he didn’t want to talk about, and it worked about ninety-nine percent of the time.

  This time Nika suspected that what he was about to hear was the important issue.

  They headed down the hallway from Stephan’s office and Nika’s curiosity grew as he followed the man into a conference room. The faces around the table were all familiar, but it was the sight of Commodore Scott Carmichael and the rest of SEAL Team One that had him frowning. “What’s this?”

  “Take a seat,” Stephan said. “You know everyone here, so I don’t think introductions are in order.” He leaned both hands on the table at the front of the room. “The task force is a cover, Nika. I’m about to tell you the reason behind it and you can’t tell anyone else.

  “Welcome to Project Tartarus.”

  Three

  “Jenks!”

  The boys hit her the moment the door opened, and she scooped them both up. They were built like their father, tall and lanky, though at only nine years old neither had put on much muscle and she could lift them easily.

  Plus it was fun to hear them laugh.

  She’d been here five days and they were still greeting her like they hadn’t seen her for a month when they came through the front door. It should have terrified her, how easy and comfortable it felt to be in Luis’s apartment, to sleep in his bed, to have dinner with the kids every night.

  But it doesn’t.

  “I have my first belt test next month! Can I show you my form?” That was from Riz, dark-haired and dark-eyed like his late mother; but all Jenks could see was Luis’s face beaming back at her.

  “I got a new book on twenty-first-century history,” Elliot whispered. He was blond like his dad, but had the same dark eyes as his twin. “Do you want to see it?”

  “All right, easy, both of you. You saw her this morning.” Luis laughed. “Go put your gear away and make sure your overnight bags are packed, your grandmas will be here soon.”

  There was a chorus of groans, but the boys trundled off to their room once Jenks set them down.

  “They’re going to miss you,” Luis said, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against the top of her head.

  “Are you going to miss me?”

  “Not in the slightest.”

  Jenks reached back and pinched him, laughing at his yelp of surprise and slipping out of his grip before he could retaliate. There was little room to maneuver in the tiny apartment and Jenks backed into the corner of the living room with her hands raised. “You’re going to mess up my outfit.”

  “Should have thought about that, Dai.”

  “You started this,” she said, and tried to scramble over the couch. He caught her by the ankle and she landed face-first in the cushions.

  “Luis Oscar Armstrong, what are you doing?”

  Jenks choked back her laughter as the grip on her ankle released. She rolled over, sliding off the couch onto the floor, and pouted up at Monica Armstrong. “He’s being mean.”

  “I don’t doubt it for a second,” his mother replied with a smile on her full lips. “He’s rumpled your gorgeous pants. Hello, darling. It’s so lovely to see you and I’m sorry my hooligan of a son has no manners.” She reached down and helped Jenks to her feet, wrapping her into a hug.

  “It’s fine. I’m used to it, and I know it wasn’t through any fault of yours that he turned out this way.” She hugged the woman back, still amazed more than a year later how easily Luis’s family had welcomed her into the fold. How his mothers hugged and kissed her the same way they did Luis and the boys.

  I am so fucked and I don’t even care.

  “It figures you’d take her side.” Luis dodged his other mother’s swing with a wicked grin.

  Gina rolled her blue eyes and then leaned in to kiss Jenks on the cheek. “I’m so glad you got to stay a few days extra, it was lovely to catch up with you. Take care of yourself out there.”

  “I will, I promise.”

  “Riz! Elliot! Come say goodbye to Jenks,” Gina called.

  The boys spilled out of their room, faces glum, and Jenks was surprised by the answering twist of her heart.

  “Do you have to go?”

  She went down to a knee and hugged Elliot tight. “I do. I’ve got a job to do, just like your dad. We’ll talk on the coms, though, okay?”

  “Every day?”

  “I can’t promise that, especially when we’re out on patrol, but we’ll figure something out.”

  Riz hugged her tight and then stepped back. “Dad already thinks he’s going to beat you in the prelims this time.” Riz’s announcement drew his father’s attention and Jenks laughed.

  “He always thinks that,” she whispered. “We know he’s wrong, though, don’t we?”

  “Do you see this, Mom? She’s poisoned my own children against me.”

  Jenks grinned up at Luis. “Oh, hey there, Senior Chief, I didn’t see you!”

  He stared down at her, the laughter all too clear in his amber eyes even as he fought to keep his face straight. “Coming into my house and starting shit.”

  “Language!” Gina Armstrong thumped her son on the back of the head. “All right, boys. Grab your bags and let’s get this show on the road.”

  “I’m not packed yet!” Riz yelped and ran for their room.

  The adults all shared a look and Monica waved a hand. “You two go on. We’ll lock up when we leave.”

  Luis snorted and called out. “Boys, I love you. Obey your grandmas or I’ll tie you to the railing and let you hang there all night.” He herded Jenks to the door as he spoke, grabbing his coat with one hand as he opened the door with the other.

  “You in a hurry?” Jenks laughed, but it was lost as Luis backed her into the door he’d just closed and kissed her.

  His mouth was hot against hers, the desperation barely in check as he lifted her onto her toes. It was always like this just before she left, both of them all too aware of the expanse of black that would be between them. Jenks fisted her hand in his shirt, tangling her tongue with his until her head spun. Then just as suddenly the kiss gentled and Luis pulled away.

  “I lied,” he murmured. “I am going to miss you.”

  “Of course you are.” She sighed against his mouth, kissing him once more before she forced herself to stop, though with the door at her back there was nowhere to go and turning her head just gave him access to put his mouth on her throat, which he took full advantage of. “But we’re in a rather public hallway and I was told there would be dinner.”

  “Now you care about public? You weren’t complaining when we went out with Tivo the other day.”

  Tivo had spent two days with them before having to head back out with ST-1, and Jenks grinned at the memory. “Only because getting arrested with your family in the apartment behind us would be awkward, hooligan.”

  “Fai
r point.”

  He kissed her a third time until she was breathless and aching and seriously considering dragging him into the dark alley behind his building. “Dinner,” she gasped, and managed to slip out of his arms, leaving him to follow her down the stairs.

  The fall air was cool, the tang of ozone from the showers earlier landing heavy on her tongue as they walked hand in hand. It was clear now, though, and the streets of southwest London were moving in the late afternoon, filled with people going about their day.

  It never failed to amaze her, just how fast humanity had bounced back from the Collapse. Though the shadow of the greed and hatred that had caused it in the first place still clung in spots despite all the work humanity had done to fix it.

  But it’s getting better. You’re helping it get better.

  “We’re not going to the bar?” she asked when Luis didn’t slow to cross the street to his normal pub.

  “No, I thought it’d be nice to have dinner somewhere we’re not being interrupted every five minutes. I want you all to myself tonight.” He smiled down at her and pointed. “Max put me on to a place up the street.”

  Jenks felt the first frisson of fear take hold as they continued walking. “This was a Max recommendation? Are you sure we can afford it?”

  “Dai.” Luis laughed. “First off, I’m paying, and yes, I can afford to buy you something more than a pint at the pub. Second, you’re the one who’s always after Max to take us to a fancy restaurant.”

  “Because she can afford it. And I don’t really mean it anyway. I’m just giving her shit.” Jenks swallowed when she spotted the crowd and the fancy sign ahead of them. “You should have warned me.”

  “I did.”

  “I’m not dressed up enough for this.” There were glittering dresses and fancy suits lingering outside.

  “You look amazing. Besides, you don’t own a dress anyway.” Luis squeezed her hand and slowed. “Hey, it really is okay.”

  Don’t be a baby, Jenks.

  She forced a smile that almost reached her eyes. “Okay. I promise not to start a bar fight.”

  “That’s all I can ask,” Luis said, leaning down and kissing her. Jenks quashed the sudden urge to beg him to just turn around and go back to the bar with all the familiar faces and tell her what on earth was going on. “I mean, at least wait until after dinner. Though Max might yell at both of us. The owner’s a friend of the family.”

  “Of course they are.”

  Jenks smoothed a hand down her brightly colored pants, really the fanciest thing she owned. They’d been a silly impulse purchase on leave with Sapphi and Tamago. The blue thread shifted and changed in the light, making it look like the phoenixes were flying with every step she took, and she’d been a little mesmerized at the store.

  But she’d never had an occasion to wear them before. Mostly she just pulled them out of her trunk and stared at them.

  Which was why it had been a surprise for Max to hand them over, along with a soft cream-colored tank top that Jenks damn well knew she didn’t own, when the LT had come to say goodbye before heading back to Jupiter with the rest of the crew after the Games.

  She composed a message as Luis opened the door of the restaurant.

  Jenks: You set me up.

  Max: Maybe. Stop messaging me and enjoy dinner. ;)

  “I have a reservation for two, last name is Armstrong.”

  The man at the desk greeted them brightly. “Senior Chief Armstrong, it’s a pleasure to have you.” He looked at Jenks. “Chief Khan, congratulations on your promotion.”

  “I—”

  “If you’ll follow me.”

  Jenks wasn’t sure if it was her nerves rubbing off on him, but Luis seemed equally tense as they followed the man to a quiet, secluded alcove, their table tucked behind an impressive barrier of live plants.

  “I hope you enjoy your dinner. Francis will be with you shortly.” The man gave them a little bow and left.

  There was a fancy word for his job, Jenks knew, but she couldn’t pull it up in her scrambled brain. The silence settled between them, broken only when they ordered food.

  She tolerated it for as long as she could, then took a swig of her beer (served in a kind of glass she’d never seen beer served in before—so thin she thought she’d break it just by looking at it funny) and set it down. “Luis, what’s going on?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he said. “I’m just not sure it’s the right time for it.”

  “You’re not going to ask me to marry you, are you?” Jenks grimaced. “Sorry, that sounded shitty. I—”

  “Dai, stop talking.” Luis laughed. “No, I think we’ve settled into something really good here. And maybe we’ll want to change that later, yeah? But I love you and right now you promised me tomorrow. I don’t need more than that.”

  “Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Then what’s going on?”

  “I have been thinking a lot about the future. About me and the boys and what living on Earth has meant for us. But also what you said a while ago about getting off-planet and all the things you get to see. I want that for them.”

  Luis fell into silence and rubbed at his cheek. Jenks forced herself to keep her mouth shut as he obviously tried to think of the right words to say.

  “You know about the new task force you’re going to be on.”

  “I did pay attention to the briefing before we left for the Games,” she replied.

  “Good. Well, Intel is also going to open an office on Trappist-1d, where the main NeoG base is in Amanave. Admiral Chen has offered Stephan the opportunity to head it up and he can pick his team. I was at the top of his list.” He smiled. “Not really a surprise, considering how long we’ve worked together.”

  “You’re going to Trappist?” Her brain swung from the fear of commitment to the opposite direction and her chest felt like she’d just been expelled out into the black. “Oh god. Are you breaking up with me?”

  Luis closed his eyes, visibly struggling to keep his composure. “Dai, breathe. No, I’m not breaking up with you. I love you—I just told you that. Can you focus on something that’s not you for two seconds?”

  It was so rare for him to call her out that Jenks blinked at Luis as she snapped her mouth shut. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

  “Stephan’s up for the challenge and honestly, so am I. I talked it over with my moms and the boys and they’re on board for an adventure.”

  “Okay, so it’s a done deal.” Jenks shoved down on the part of her brain that was screaming about distance and how the last time she’d sent someone she loved to Trappist they’d gotten hurt. She forced a smile. “That’s awesome. I’m really happy for you.”

  He raised an eyebrow at her.

  “I am,” she repeated. “There’s stuff in my head, but you just said it’s not about me so it’s my stuff to deal with and I’m really trying to get better at it so I’m not going to dump it all on you in the middle of this restaurant.”

  “Dai—”

  God damn it, she was going to cry. Jenks slid off her seat with a curse. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

  Breathe in. Breathe out.

  “Dai—”

  She didn’t wait to hear what he had to say.

  The bathroom was as fancy as the rest of the fucking place and Jenks had to choke down the sob that tried to slip out.

  “What am I freaking out about here?” she murmured to her reflection. “It’s not like he’s actually going to go to Trappist and die. You’re going to be in Trappist just as much as at Jupiter Station, if the task force briefing was correct. What is your issue?”

  You know what it is. You care about people and then they leave you. Every time. Without fail. Nika did it. Rosa and Ma are doing it.

  Nobody actually wants to stick around for you. Luis won’t, either.

  Jenks couldn’t stop the gasp as the words hit her like a well-placed kick and the tears slipped free.

  “You okay, honey?”

/>   Jenks jerked at the hand on hers and tears scattered as she blinked them away. “Fuck me. I’m sorry.” She blinked again at the gorgeous trans woman in front of her, not quite sure she was seeing who she was seeing. “You’re Asabi Han.”

  “I am. And at the risk of giving you a second heart attack, you’re Jenks and I’m a big fan.” Asabi extended her hand with a brilliant smile that glowed against her dark skin. “I did not think I would be telling you that in a bathroom, though.”

  Jenks laughed and took her hand. Asabi was, of course, taller than Jenks, with long limbs and a short halo of tight black curls on her head. Her gold dress draped in all the right places.

  Down, girl. That’s super inappropriate and this is really not the time.

  “Now that that’s out of the way . . .” Asabi pressed her other hand to the back of Jenks’s rather than letting go; Jenks had to fight to keep her heart beating at a normal tempo. “Are you okay? You obviously don’t need my somewhat inept help with kicking someone’s ass, but I’m very good at causing a scene.” She beamed.

  “You probably don’t want to listen to my issues.”

  “Nonsense.” Asabi let go of Jenks and waved a hand in the air. “Bathrooms have been sacred spaces for telling strangers our troubles since time immemorial.”

  Jenks couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up, and the tight feeling in her chest eased. “You’re not wrong about that. I am not very good at change,” she admitted, wiping the tears off her face. She blew out a breath. “And very good at imagining worst-case scenarios. I can’t really go into specifics,” she said with an apologetic shrug. Bathroom confessions were one thing, operational security was another.

  “Oh, no worries. And tell me about it.” The actress leaned against the counter. “You know those worst-case fears never come true, though, and sometimes the change leads to the best of things.” She glanced at the door, a fond expression appearing on her face. “I met my girlfriend because I ended up in London through a series of unfortunate events.”

  “Is it creepy if I admit that I read about it?” Jenks asked. She was relieved when Asabi laughed.